Symbolisms
by Nea Poulain
Summary: "His name was Benji. Benjamin. Do you know anything about him?" Mandy is trying to find her brother's grave after the war. Or anything that can lead her to him. And Megan is there for her.
PROMPT#94 — Mandy look for her brother's grave and Megan is there for her

* * *

 **Symbolisms**

" _Keep your beady eyes on me  
_ _To make sure I don't turn to dust  
_ _If fear is in the mind, then my mind lives in fear  
_ _as deep in this voice then a dirty British sea"_

 _Turn to dust, Wolf Alice_

* * *

The stare the wizard give her hurts. It is pity mixed with something she doesn't quite understand. Surely she is not the first person who receives that kind of stare, that eyes spend their days facing people with her same problems and her same mourning.

"What was he called?" the wizard asked, checking on the bunch of papers he have in his desk.

"Benji, Benjamin Brocklehurst," Mandy answers. "He was an auror," she adds, with a little hope.

The wizard shakes his head.

"We don't have any information, Miss Brocklehurst."

In other words, 'we have no idea where your brother was buried'. Mandy sighs. She almost can't thank the wizard before leaving the office. Outside there are many others who are waiting with the same questions; maybe some of them have a little luck.

(Or maybe not.)

And Megan, of course.

Megan, with the braids, her failed smile. Her eyes. Megan, all her.

Mandy shakes her head when Megan sees her and gives her a quizzical look. It is the only answer she has to the question Megan never says. 'I don't know where my brother is' it is its meaning. To what grave she will take her flowers? Where she finally will be able to say goodbye? She notices her own hand trembling, but Megan stops her. She squeezes her hand, confident as only she can be (because she is Megan and she always see the positive side in everything).

"We will find him," she assures.

* * *

"Excuse me! Excuse me! Sorry, but I've been told you used to work with Benjamin Brocklehurst during the war.

"Did you?"

"Yes, I just want to ask you a couple of questions. I'm her sister, Mandy.

Mandy smiles, relieved she has been able to stop him. It is the only clue she had got the last few days. Megan asked Eddie Carmichael if he knew something, because he had spent the war in the Auror Division, surviving and helping those he could. And Eddie told her he remembered Benji, who was incapable of remain silent, a rookie. He also told Megan Benji used to work with some Gabriel O'Connell, the man who is standing in front of Mandy.

"Ah, Mandy…" He looks at her with pity, too. Everyone looks at her like that, as she is a bomb who has not yet exploded. "Benji used to talk about you. A lot."

"Really?" Mandy asks. "I… well, I―" The words does not come out well, she looks like an idiot. She never knows what to say or how to ask the questions she need to ask. "I, just… want to know… if you knew something―anything―about his death. Anything."

It is a plea, not a question.

But Gabriel only shakes his head.

"No, they just took him," he answers. "He never kept silence, y'know? No when he saw unfairness and he used to believe no one could hear him. He wanted to help muggle-borns, used to say everything was unjust."

"It sounds like Benji."

"Yes, so one day they simply took him," Gabriel continued. "I wasn't there, but I think nobody tried to stop them. We were all scared to the bones half the time because we have become aurors because we wanted to catch dark wizards and suddenly the dark wizards were our bosses."

"Ah…" Mandy muttered. She wants to ask him why he wasn't braver if Benji was his companion and his friend. But she does not have the guts. She is a bit of a coward herself.

"The only thing I heard is Yaxley went in person," Gabriel adds, "nothing more."

He shrugs. A simple way of tell 'I can't help you more'. Mandy nods. She thanks him.

She sighs. She have to get home to tell Megan she still knows nothing new. Except a name that has stuck to her very deep. 'Yaxley'.

* * *

The chair is empty like any other week. Nobody has the guts to move it of hid it. Even sometimes, Juliette Brocklehurst put the cutlery there, where Benji should be eating. But Benji is not going to come for diner anymore and nobody knows where his fucking grave is.

(They do not know if he had gotten one, even.)

Megan is there, like every other week. In the kitchen, helping out Juliette with the cooking while Mandy listens to the radio in the living room with her father―who talks a little less every day. He sometimes asks if anyone knows something about Mandy. Other times he says thing like 'I wish he was here.'

With Mandy he never has the strength. For talking. Mandy suspects he has no comfort to offer her.

So, when the dinner comes out, everyone is quiet; there is an oppressive, desperate silence and Many cannot prevent remembering the times when everything was different and her brother used to tell stupid jokes at dinner and she used to laugh and her father was smiling. And the radio used to be on and a song was been played and her mother used to cook delicious meals everyday and she didn't cry every time she cooked Benji's favorite food.

They sit at the table and Megan gives thanks for their meal.

Mandy suspects Megan has prevented her house to burn down. She doesn't know what else she can do. Megan loves her parents and her parents adore her.

But nobody knows how to give comfort to the others.

"It's delicious, mum," Mandy says, trying to cheer her up.

Her mother nods, but doesn't look at her. She sighs. The she raises her eyes and smile in Mandy's direction.

"Megan prepare everything," she confesses.

* * *

"I cannot stop thinking about it," Mandy says.

The light in the room is off, but she knows Megan is listening; she haven't felt asleep yet. Four days out of seven, Mandy spends the night there. She can't bare to be alone in her room, with Benji's things all around her.

"About what?"

"Yaxley," she confesses, "he is still alive."

"In Azkaban," Megan points out, always having much more common sense than Mandy. "I don't believe he is very useful to us, love."

"But… what if he remembers, Meg?" she asks. "What if he remembers Benji?"

Always the doubt. Above all. It is the only Mandy has got left. And the strength for looking for her brother.

* * *

Mandy finds very difficult putting a good face in Megan's house. Her three brothers, all younger than her, are a threesome of wild beasts who scream all the time. Mrs Jones looks tired all the time and Megan's father locks himself up in the kitchen just to keep the boys out of his sight.

Mandy has always found curious the role changes of Megan's parents―hers has always been very typical―but Megan sees it as the most normal thing in the entire world. The first time Mandy told her how weird she found that Mr Jones had raised the four of them while Mrs Jones worked, Megan frowned.

She had never thought about it.

Now Mandy is more than used to it. Her inlaws are the best people in the word. At least they tried.

"I've made meatballs, Mandy," Mr Jones says. "You like them very much, don't you?"

Mandy nods.

"My favorite meal."

"Ugh, meatballs," one of Megan's brothers complained, the youngest. "Why can Megan invite her girlfriend to dinner and I can't?"

"You've got one?" Megan's mother asks.

"No."

"Then that's why," she says before sitting down. She looks at Mandy: "I hope you like it."

They treat her like she was made of crystal, too carefully. Mandy believes that's because they had been expecting all their life that Megan take home the tattooed boy with the motorcycle and they don't know how to feel about Mandy: blessed or confused.

"Thank you, Mrs Jones." Mandy smiles and the she serves meatballs in her dish.

"Do you know anything about your brother?" Mr Jones asks.

It's pure amability, but Mandy cannot help hating the question.

"No, not yet."

* * *

She has to go alone, but she wishes Megan could be at her side. The visit permit is just for one person and Azkaban's visits are strictly controlled. She is given a full load of instructions in the entrance, but she barely hears anything; she is thinking Azkaban is still an awful place.

Before crossing the last door she looks back to Megan, who sends her her best wishes. Mandy try to put up a brave face, but she doesn't know if she is convincing. She is not brave.

She follows the guard. She is nervous, she can't help not to be. She hasn't got the time to really process what is happening when she is in front of the cell. His cell.

In front of her, it's Yaxley.

She holds her breath.

"Yaxley," she mutters. It is about time, putting a face to the name.

He has got a gaunt face, Azkaban's product, Mandy supposes. The gray hair, long and free, barely combed. No, Mandy corrects, herself, completely tangled.

"Do I know you?" the man asks. Grave voice, notice Mandy.

"No," she answers.

She says nothing more. She doesn't know what to say. She is still surprised because all murderers has a human face. They are exactly the same as her. Two legs, two arms, two eyes. One heart.

"I just want to know…"

"Everyone wants to know something," Yaxley interrupts her. "What is our fucking question?"

"I want to find my brother. Benjamin Brocklehurst. Auror," Mandy specifies. "I've been told that you…"

"… killed him? That I dictated his sentence? That I arrested her?" Yaxley numbers. "You aren't the first person who asks it. Do you believe I've got a list? Or that remember all their faces? They start to look alike after a little while. They're all pathetic. They all beg for they stupid lives. They tell you about sons and daughters, brothers, sisters, wives, husbands, mothers and fathers. Do you seriously believe I remember all of them?"

Mandy says nothing.

'No'. That is the answer, has to be, but she is afraid of telling it because that man is the only connection she has to her brother's destiny.

"Of course I don't remember."

"I just want to know where he's buried," Mandy murmurs.

Yaxley laughs. He has a horrible laugh.

"I'm going to tell you the same I told the others, then," Yaxley answers her. "We brought them all here. So, where do you think he is bloody buried."

"I dunno…" She wants to cry. Going there has been a mistake, talking to Yaxley has been a mistake. It only hurts more.

"Oh, think a little, dumb girl," says Yaxley. "Azkaban has its own cemetery."

Then Mandy sees the entire picture and realise her brother i buried in a horrible place. She realise he died alone, maybe while screaming, maybe crying and nobody was there to see his suffering. There was nobody who comforted him. There was nobody who told him his death would make the world a better place.

Benji died alone.

And he is buried in a horrible place.

Then, she runs away.

* * *

The guards have let her visit Azkaban's cemetery and this time, Megan is standing by her side. Their hands are intertwined. Mandy would not be brave enough to see this place without Megan.

Like they expected, it is horrible.

There are no headstones and there are no flowers. It is just a bunch of dust. Mandy wonders if the people buried there have peace.

If Benji rest in peace.

She closes her eyes and try to imagine a better place. Like the cemetery where her grandparents are, because there all the graves have flowers and the headstones have graven words in a way of comfort. She try to imagine Benji is there and he is finally resting in peace.

"Mandy? Are you okay?" she hears Megan's voice.

"Yes."

Mandy nods.

"Yes. I just was imagining Benji was far away from here," she answers.

* * *

In the end, they have decided to make their own grave. One with their own principles, in the back garden of the house. Mandy has selected the most valuable things that Benji owned and she had put her own memories in a box in order to bury it in a symbolic way in the back garden. Megan has tulips because Benji deserve beautiful flowers.

Mandy has decided that is the best way to keep on. Deceive oneself and bury her brother in the back garden.

But sometimes, just sometimes, she goes to Azkaban with a bunch if flowers. She let them in any part of the cemetery, believing that sometime she is going to put them in the place her brother rests. She tell him things.

And all that times, Megan goes with her. She hugs her and let her cry as long as she can. Her hands are always intertwined.

Mandy knows she cannot ask for someone better.

* * *

 **English isn't my mother tongue (it's Spanish, Mexican Spanish) and although Cambridge Certificates swear I deserve a C1 (I honestly still doubt it) sometimes my brain gets all wrong and puts everything in the wrong order when I'm writing (which ends up the right order… if I were writing in Spanish, which is never the case). So, if you found grammar, spell, whatever mistakes, feel very free to tell me.**

* * *

 _Andrea Poulain_

 _Original: February 17th, 2016_

 _Translation: May 19th, 2016_


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